I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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