Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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