I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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