for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Pants are for mortals
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
