So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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