he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
