She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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