How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
