I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
