I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's shark week go big or go home
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
