The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
