Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize