Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
