I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
