It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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