"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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