Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
