What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We left the knife in your bed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
