Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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