So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
