He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
