I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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