Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
