Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
