Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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