Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
