mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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