About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
