I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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