just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
