glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
