I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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