I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
