***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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