I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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