woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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