How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
