Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There r osticjed everywhere
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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