I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
