I wish I only lived at night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
