thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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