I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize