i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
