she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
