you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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