You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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