i don't plan on having that self control this summer
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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