guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
