She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
