i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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