worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
