The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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