On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
