he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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