I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Watching her eat just hurts me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
