Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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