Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
