my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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