if only i could text you this smell
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
