I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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