What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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