Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
