I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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