i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My underwear smells like fireworks.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
