I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
