Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
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one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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